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Eradicate Homelessness!
(Yet Another "Modest Proposal").

The root cause of homelessness is the existence of the homeless. Without the homeless there would be no homelessness! Over the years, many ways of eliminating of the homeless have been found, and human ingenuity continues to develop new ways of making the life of the homeless more difficult, if not out-right impossible. However, despite of all the efforts, the homeless are increasing in numbers, and continuing to cause homelessness!

Something has to be done, or else the homeless will take over!

Here are a few suggestions how the problem could be tackled:

Let us change the status of the homeless from "human" to "pest", which they, in reality, are anyhow. That would make impossible for misguided individuals to offer any shelter, food, or indeed any civilized comforts to the pests at all! Those people who would give any "spare change" to the "panhandlers" could be fined, the same as those who feed the pesky pigeons in some places! This measure would free wasted resources, no matter how scanty these resources might be, for to be used on worthier projects, such as aiding the peace keeping effort in the world, or gentrifying our towns.

The noxious homeless should be banned from any public buildings, and from approaching any entrance to closer than 20 feet!

Urban planning should take into account the fact that the homeless like to shelter themselves from the rain under the eves of buildings, and approve only of building structures that would lack this feature. Many homeless are to be found hiding in the shrubbery--eliminate such by planting tall plants that do not provide any hiding places!

Why feed the canines at the K-9 units for nothing! For exercise the dogs could be used in nightly conducted homeless-hunts, flushing the homeless out even from the most remote recesses.

Raise the rents and the cost of real estate sizably periodically, so that no homeless could ever afford to purchase the right to sleep by using, without a doubt, illicitly gained human cash.

Thus, because being deprived of any human comforts whatsoever, the homeless would eventually collapse from exhaustion, and their carcasses could be used to make pet food, soap, and if their pelts be tattoo-ed, those could provide material for manufacturing handsome lamp-shades to be sold to tourists!

All the above suggestions are (or have been, historically) being , or are being considered to be, implemented already, but considering the trend in the homeless numbers rise, more useful ways of getting rid of the homeless have to be contemplated, which, knowing humans, will be done. Or else, if we are not vigilant, all of us will end up being homeless ourselves!


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